The Nyotaimori

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(Scene Setup:  Dinner party at Nanette's.)

 

"If God had meant us to have group sex, he'd have given us more organs."--Malcom Bradbury.

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A penguin answers the door. Fair complexion, slight of stature, salon-groomed, and with the posture of a ballroom dancer, he's dressed out in formal tux and tails. Deciding I was indeed the expected dinner guest, without a word or smile he offers a perfunctory bow and invites me to enter with a sweep of his arm.

   "I'm sorry. I wasn't told this would be a formal dinner," I say stepping through the doorway and into an equally formal foyer.

   "It's not really darling," a familiar voice rings out as the figure possessing it glides across the floor like a swan on a Bruges canal. Wow, in a stunning wedding dress of the virgin pure, no less.

   I'm spellbound by the approaching vision.

   A fine and intricate lace collars her neck, running over her breasts and across her arms to her wrists, covering all. Layers of sheer white gauze drape from an extraordinarily small waist (I could ring it with thumbs and forefingers) to the floor, literally, sweeping it. She towers over me in four-inch heels. I rise on my toes and crane my neck in exaggeration to even meet the level of her eyes, and I still fall short of the jet black eyes hiding somewhere behind the gauzy lace. Her hair is short platinum blonde, and her eyebrows and lashes are so pale they're absent. Even her normally blood-red lips are as white as her powdered pale face. Her entire being is a blizzard of snowy enchantment, a blinding whiteout. She's nearly ghostly.

   "Enchanté Madame," I say taking one of her jewel-encrusted hands and dropping to one knee.

   "You are a most spectacular vision. Would you do me the honor of marrying me? Here, now. Your man there (nodding to the tux) can stand witness. Or am I too late? Have you been spoken for?"

   She laughs. "Of course I'll marry you, but first we must have Champagne, and then we shall feast."

   It wasn't a suggestion, but a command that produced three ruby-red crystal glasses, each a shapely high-heeled pump brimming with bubbly, appearing on a silver tray, offered by her man in tails.

   "Madame," the tux says bringing the tray to Nanette with a slight bow. A slim hand, utterly feminine, every finger ringed in diamonds and other precious stones, reaches out from a laced cuff and accepts a ruby-red goblet by its long-stemmed, hollow heel.

   The tux next turns the tray to me, and I mimicked Nanette, minus the slim-hand-utterly-feminine part.

   The tux returns the tray to the sideboard and takes a third crystal slipper for him, then returns to our company. I see, not a servant but subservient, Nanette's boy for sure.

   Lifting the strange crystal goblet by its heel, Nanette proposes a toast. The tux and I raise ours.

   "To Oz and an evening of delightful gluttony and sensuous company," she says.

   "Hear, hear," says the tux with a sidelong glance to me abruptly caused my eyes to unveil him as a little elfin creature with a turned up nose. 

   I wanted to ask him if he wasn't one of the little people fairies from El Bosc de les Fades but my mind was too busy reeling from the incoming fusillade of imaginings, both thrilling and scary, brought on by Nanette's toast.

   Holy shit. 

   And if that wasn't enough for one ordinary man to take in, I nearly lost it altogether when she threw back her veil to sip from Cinderella's crystal slipper. The sheer beauty of the woman ran over me like a felon in a prison break, and when I started drooling like an idiot, I had to twist my mind's arm to near breaking point and concentrate on an image of Monica. There. That's better.

   Nanette drank her Champagne down about three sizes, and the tux and I followed you ... Er ... suit.

   "Nanette, you have a beautiful apartment. I'd take it over the Fira any day," I say.

   "But I had so much fun both nights I did spend there," she gushed.

   Both huh? I wonder who else she mugged.

   "But I must say, now that the remodeling is complete, I'm glad to be home."

   "Well, it's spectacular. What'd you have done exactly?" I ask.

   "Only one room actually. But it's a very special room, and I wanted to inaugurate it tonight with a very special dinner party. That's why you're here tonight Tucker, to help us inaugurate the Pleasure Room."

   Uh oh.

   Nearly choking on my slipper, I say, "The Pleasure Room? Uh. What about Monica? You said she'd be here for dinner." 

   "And she will be, soon. Be patient Tucker this is not simply a dinner, it's an event, an experience," she says giving me a wicked smile. "And while Pau and I see to the final details, I have a costume waiting for you in the changing room. This is a costume party after all. So, (taking me by the elbow) why don't you step back here and change and when you return, we'll have another drink of Champagne and enjoy some hors-d'oeuvres before the main course."

   "Okay Nanette," I say leaning into her, "I've had a really weird and tough day today, and I'm not up to being fucked with tonight. Sorry, let me rephrase. Fucked over. I'm game but just so you know this isn't going like the other night at the Fira. I'll play nice but don't even think about bringing out the collar and leash again. I have some unfinished business with Monica that I want to straighten out and I don't want to screw it up playing S&M with you if she's not fully on board here, understand?"

   "I do, Tucker and none of this is designed to upset your relationship with Monica. On the contrary."

   "It's already upset. She's been with some guy name Lloyd. Is he a part of this?"

   "I know, Tucker and no he is not. Just relax and have fun tonight okay? Everything will work out just fine. I promise," she says and pushes me into a small dressing room.

   "This isn't going to involve too much pain, is it?" I holler out as she closes the door behind her. 

   "Pussy," I hear her say walking away.

   What's with the guy in the tux, this Pau guy, I'm wondering. Why's he here? Must have some sort of role, just hope it doesn't involve me. And Monica? What about her? If this turns out to be another one of Nanette's kidnapping plots I'll ...

   In the changing room, I find a full tux and tails on hangers, waistcoat, white bow tie, studs, the works. I dress, check myself out in the full-length mirror and ... Hey. I look good. Then the thought crosses my mind that I'm looking at Pau's twin, only taller. And who is this guy, Pau?

When Topper returns (that's me) Nanette and Pau are both holding fresh slippers of Champagne with one waiting for me and nodding their approval that I can clean up. Everybody knows looking good in a tux can turn a nice girl into a porn star. Of course, that wouldn't be much of a leap for at least half the audience here.

   "Now the party can commence properly," says Nanette. 

   Pau offers up slipper for me, and I accept. Still wondering what he's all about. A table centering the room features three hors d'oeuvres--raw oysters, beluga caviar with sides of cream cheese and chives to dress up a cracker and goose liver pate. Yum.

   "I wanted to keep the starters simple, Tucker. Didn't want to blunt your appetite for the main course which I'm sure you'll find quite scrumptious," says Nanette.

   "And the desserts too are heavenly," adds Pau.

   "Speak when you're spoken to Pau," Nanette admonishes backing him down like a scolded puppy. 

   "Yes, mistress," he says with eyes downcast.

   "Okay, so we're playing the dominatrix-submissive game, eh Nanette?" I say.

   "Tis no game with Pau and me, Tucker, and we'd like for you to play too if you're of a mind. I thought you'd enjoy it. You seemed to take to it the other night," she says.

   "I admit it was different and interesting too, but I'm not sure it's really my cup of tea."

   "Then hold judgment. You might change your mind," she says slipping her arm around mine and walking me to a set of double doors. Whatever it is Nanette's wearing for perfume is wafting me with delirium. She is so gorgeous and enchantingly ... White. . . With the hair and makeup and the whole bride thing it's all I can do not to throw her to the floor and consummate the marriage right here and now but I opt to maintain my cool control instead. Barely.

   Pau steps ahead and opening both doors reveal a large windowless room with fifteen foot coffered and mirror ceilings from which descends a huge crystal chandelier lit with dozens of candles. Walls are covered in fuck-me-red velvet from which protrude a couple of dozen brass sconces in the shape of human hands, each hand holding a live candle. What appears to be white fur of polar bear, thick enough to play hide and seek in covers the floor. And huge floor-to-ceiling mirrors line the walls encased in what appears to be a burled mahogany. The place is fabulous, to say the least, though a bit over-the-top.

   There are various contraptions placed around the room that appear to be gymnasium equipment or even some sort of medieval torture devices, but I couldn't say, and my first thoughts are, maybe I don't want to know. If Nanette intends to put any of this stuff to use tonight, I'll be sure to ask that she personally demonstrate the gizmo first.

   "Welcome to the Pleasure Room. This is where we'll enjoy our dinner and desserts and other pleasures for the evening," says Nanette.

   "Jesus Christ Nanette, this is really something. Does it come with an instruction manual?"

   "I promise you, Tucker, you'll receive all the instruction you'll require, and hopefully by evening's end you'll come to love this room as much as we do."

   We do, huh? Guess Nanette, and this guy Pau are an item after all. Funny, the guy reminds me of the little fairy at Bosc de la Fades from the other day.

   "Should I start addressing you as Mistress?" I ask.

   "I'll leave that to your discretion, Tucker. There'll probably be moments when that would be appropriate, but there will be others when you are addressed as Master. I'm sure you'll figure it out as the evening progresses. Just keep one thing in mind, Tucker, if you please."

   "And what's that?"

   "Everything is make-believe, just as it was when you were a child. When we were all children. And tonight we will be children again except for one important difference."

   "We play adult games?" 

   "Knew you'd catch on. Now, before dinner is introduced let's share one more drink," she says.

Pau appears with another silver tray, this time carrying three shot glasses brimming with a clear liquid. We each select one. Nanette raises her glass and Pau, and I follow.

   "Un brindis al Diable. Pot el seu flux sanguini per les nostres venes aquesta nit." (A toast to the devil. May his blood flow through our veins tonight.)

    We throw back our shots, and the hot, spicy liquid burns its way down.

  "Yowser! Kicks like a mule," I say stamping my foot to the floor.

   "It gets better Tucker." Nanette steps to the center of the room and turning to Pau.

   "Come and remove my outerwear, Pau."

   "Yes, Mistress."

   Pau circles around Nanette approaching her from behind. He unbuttons her gown to the waist then circles her again to face her where he takes one cuff into each hand and pulls until her gown falls away from the waist up. He then kneels in front of her and pulls her gown to the floor, and she steps away revealing perhaps the most magnificent transformation I've ever witnessed--a butterfly into ... Another butterfly. Pau sweeps up the gown and veil and places all onto a chair against the wall.

   Before me stands a statuesque beauty, a Greek goddess standing over six-feet tall in four-inch red stilettos, and fish net stockings, their throats filled with long shapely legs and creamy thighs. A jet-black rubber corset, oiled, slippery, and shiny begins as a thong at the crotch then reaches up and around the flat of her tummy to cup a pair of magnificent milk-white breasts. Losing the white wig her brunette hair falls midway down her back. 

   She is a vision to stop traffic, ceasefire and cause men to lie down and give up their lives, gladly.

   "Nanette," I say, "Could I remove all my clothes? Suddenly, I'm suffering a terrible fever."

   "Hot flashing Tucker?"

   "You're a cruel woman Nanette," I say.

   Pau steps up offering a tall glass of ice water, and I drink it thirstily in a single downing.

   "Thank you, Pau."

   "You're welcome, Master. She has the same effect on me too."

   Master?

   A strange and warm sensation overcomes me, and I feel lightheaded, not dizzy or off balance, but good. Cares and worries, inhibitions, shed like old skin; replaced by rejuvenating energy. I've never felt so good, so strong, and alive. And I'm hungry.

   "Nanette, I'm sorry if I'm stepping out of line here, but if I don't get something to eat and quick, I'll have no choice but to throw myself at you and consume you where you stand."

   "Tucker, ever the gentleman. Please don't tease me with empty promises. Let's partake of one more drink then dinner will be served."

   Three more shots of the familiar clear liquid appear and again, we down them with a single toss.

   "Dinner is served," announces Nanette.

   On cue, a hidden panel slides away from the far wall and out rolls a table pulled from each corner by two wire cables extending to the ceiling and into a hidden track. The table abounds with exotic foods of all shapes and colors, spread over what appears to be ... A human form? I step up to the odd buffet to examine the offerings and the prostrate nude figure lying beneath this Chinese buffet, and just as I suspected, a woman with a mask of brightly colored feathers ringing a pair of emerald green eyes. The lips below, full and sumptuous stretch like an elastic band of red around a red apple stuffed into her mouth. No, it's a ball gag!

   The girl's arms extend out and up, straight past her head like she's stretching. And she is because her wrists are bound together with animal skin, white fur or a pelt of some kind, and from that, another wire cable stretches taut through a pulley attached to the wall and up into the same ceiling track as the cable pulling the table through the hidden panel.

   Pau walks to the end of the table.

   I turn to Nanette, "What's this?"

   "Just as I promised, Tucker, Monica has joined us for dinner. More than that, she is dinner."

   "What!" 

   "It's okay Tucker. This is for you. It's Nyotaimori. Monica's gift to you."

   "Nyotaimori? What the hell is that?"

   "Body sushi," says Pau before Nanette throws him a look shrinking the little guy. 

   "It's the Japanese practice of serving sashimi or sushi from the naked body of a woman," she explains. "You like sushi don't you?"

   "Yes, of course. I love sushi but ... I don't know about this, Nan."

   It's Monica's idea, and it's all for you Tucker, for your pleasure. She thought you'd enjoy it. Go ahead and ask her yourself."

   Turning to Monica, I lean over her, "Is this true Monica?" She nods yes. "You want to do this?" She nods again, affirmative.

   "But this ball gag has to go," I say to Nanette.

   "Remove it then," Nanette says, and I lean over and take it off, but I leave the mask in place. Then, dropping my mouth to hers, I kiss her deeply.

   "I want to do this for you, okay?" she whispers.

   "Okay ... Wait, what about Lloyd? Where's he?" I say, "Hold on just one minute," turning menacingly to Pau. "Are you, Lloyd, Little Bit? Because if you are ..." I take a quick step toward him. He shrinks and takes cover behind Nanette.

   "No Tucker!" hollers Monica. "He's not Lloyd and don't hurt him!"

   "So what about Lloyd?" I yell. Damn, I'm really feeling pumped up here, superpowers. Goddamn, I'm thinking.

   "Shut up Tucker. There is no Lloyd. Lloyd's done, no more, caput. Now, don't go and ruin this evening," she screams before a calming voice takes over and she says, "Come over here, Tucker, lean down." I do. 

   She whispers into my ear, "I want you to enjoy yourself tonight, do anything you want, let yourself go and don't be afraid for me or anything else.    It's all in fun and pleasure. Whatever happens let it happen. Just let go and enjoy yourself. I love you, Tucker. There is no one else. Okay?"

She loves me? I'm thinking and, despite the incredible buzz from the high octane blood rushing through my veins, I tell her, okay, Lloyd's dead and good riddance. 

   I drop my mouth to hers and nearly lose myself kissing her until I hear Nanette's voice.

   "Now we have that settled can we get back to the event at hand?"

   "Okay," I announce. Then turning back to Monica, "I'm hungry. Mind if I eat you?"

   "That's what I'm here for. But just so you know, I'm dinner for Nanette and Pau too."

   Gee, I didn't think of that. Hum. Interesting. What the hell, I think.

   I stand and announce, "Let the party resume." And with that, I start licking and nibbling the necklace of fish eggs around her neck. Nanette walks up next to me and begins picking off slices of rare Kobe beef from Monica's belly. Pau walks to the other side of the table and drops his mouth onto Monica's breast and sucks away ginger laden fatty tuna from her nipple slowly stretching it as he pulls away. The tuna disappear into his mouth, and he goes down again licking wasabi from around the now erect nipple. I look at Monica sharply, and she mouths to me, "It's okay. Lick the other."

   So, I move to Monica's other breast and begin licking, standing her nipple at attention. Blood starts pumping through me like a rush. All this is getting me pretty worked up and I back off and take my coat off then the waistcoat and throw them both to the wall where they fall to the floor in a heap.

   Pau sees me and does the same removing his coat and waistcoat. His starch white shirt puckers forward. Breasts? I think, no, and go back to devouring Monica. Searching with my tongue along the washboard of her ribs my mouth locates a pink shrimp. Slices of fresh pink salmon wrap her arm, and I pick off pieces and shove them into my mouth hungrily. With every bite, it seems like a new rush of energy boils up, getting warmer. I remove the cufflinks and throw them to the side and roll up my sleeves before devouring slices of yellow tail tucked between her knees.

Nanette has moved to Monica's feet and with her mouth around one toe pulls off what appears to be a California roll while Pau works the other side of Monica hungrily.

   As Nanette shifts to Pau's side of Monica, I go to her thighs and with my teeth pull the Chuka kurage (seasoned jellyfish) between her legs then run my tongue down an oily leg to her ankle. Pau moves to Monica's other thigh and licks up Unagi Chahan (fried rice and freshwater eel) before moving into Monica's nest. Her legs spread slightly inviting Pau to explore, and he takes the invitation and brings his mouth to her, his tongue feeling its way around. She lets out a small moan.

   I can't believe I'm watching this, but it's turning me on to watch her writhing against his mouth. I move back to Monica's side and before going further, rip my shirt open and throw it off then reach down and throw off my shoes and socks too. I'm so hot and sweaty I'm about to explode.

Pau looks up then disappears beneath the table, and Monica's thighs begin rubbing together, frustrated at the loss of Pau's mouth. Nanette is at Monica's breasts devouring one while kneading the other's nipple between a thumb and forefinger, her remaining fingers flaring out like a bejeweled wing. She moves to Monica's face and hovering above, locks her eyes as if passing a secret message then lowers her mouth onto Monica's, kissing her. Monica accepts Nanette's advance and pulls at her tongue with her lips.

   With my face buried greedily into Monica's breasts, I can feel my trousers being unbuttoned, unzipped then pulled down. A hand wraps around me pulling me into a wet and warm mouth. Nanette, I think, and I lunge forward asking for more. When I raise my head from Monica and see Nanette on the other side of the table over Monica's thigh I think, how is it possible she can be in two places at once? It's not, and I pull back from the table, the mouth still locked onto me. Pau! 

   "What?" I yell and reaching down, grab him by both ears and pull him up to my eye level. His eyes bug with fear, knowing he's about to die. 

As quick as a magician, his hands snap together at his chest tearing his shirt open, exposing two small breasts, female breasts and my jaw drops in complete surprise, then relief. With him, now her, still dangling in the air between my hands, I pull her to me and suck a small breast entirely into my mouth. Her hands reach around my back and cling to my shoulders while her legs wrap around my waist in a leg lock, and she's hanging on like a monkey. 

   After a moment, I push her face away, and she slides down my body to the floor where she pulls off her clothing, then crawls on all fours to me and, rising onto her knees, takes me back into her eager mouth. Her head bobs back and forth, and she looks up at me, her eyes pleading approval but I can't do this and pull away and tuck myself back together.

   "Sorry, Pau, I can't. You remind me too much of my little sister, and I love my little sister. Is that okay? Do you understand?" I say lying like a dog. I really don't to hurt her feelings.

   "It's okay, Tucker," she says giving me a smile. "I wouldn't want to do my yucky brothers either. I'll get us some water." 

She goes over to the side table and retrieves glasses of water bringing each of us a glass, including Monica, who can drink only with the assistance of a straw. We all drink as if we've run a marathon. We practically had. Our bodies are slick with sweat. Pau retrieves more shot glasses filling four from the bottle of clear liquid. I take Monica hers, and raising her head, put the shot glass to her lips. She drinks. We empty our glasses.

   The liquid goes down exploding like a cherry bomb of Red Bull, and another rush of adrenalin shoots through me, taking possession. 

   "Nice, Tucker, very nice," Monica says looking down at me coming back alive. "Looks like the nectar's doing its job."

   "What? What nectar?" I ask. 

   "The shots. What do you think? That all that virility's you're doing?" 

   Now I see what's going on. I was wondering where all this extra energy was coming from. I mean, I'm usually never on empty, but this is almost unworldly, and I'm lovin' it. I can't seem to stop myself. It's like I'm a fuck machine. 

   "Yes, bring it on," I say. 

   "Good," Nanette says as she pours out another shot and hands it to me. I down it and the rumblings start up again. She passes Pau another shot glass and then feeds one to Monica, lifting her head to help. After Monica downs hers, Nanette tosses the shot glasses to the side, steps behind Monica's head and drops to take Monica's breast into her mouth with Monica reciprocating. 

   Seeing this, I walk up behind Nanette and press into her from behind. She bolts upward. 

   "Wait," she says, "Not yet. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here." 

She pushes me away and steps over to the wall, flips a wall plate and presses a hidden button triggering the wire cable attached to Monica's furred handcuffs lifting her from the table until she's hanging by her wrists from the ceiling, food sliding off to the floor.

   "Monica, are you okay," I yell. 

   "Yes, Tucker. I'm fine. Continue on," she says, and Nanette kicks the rolling dinner table across the room. 

   "Pau, lay," orders Nanette. Pau does, and Nanette pulls another wire cable attached to the ceiling rail wrapping Pau's ankles with the same furry material handcuffing Monica. Then, with a tug of the cable up goes Pau until she's hanging from the ceiling just like Monica, except by her ankles.

Nanette reaches to a wall cabinet behind her and retrieves a cat 'o nine tails. She looks at me and swings the tails across Pau's backside getting a yelp. She gives her another one, and yelps follow; then more whipping and more yelping. 

   "Tucker," Nanette says without letting up. 

   "Yes," I say startled at what I'm witnessing. 

   She stops and walks over to me holding out the whip and says, "Here, do the same to Monica." 

   "No." 

   Then Monica pipes up, "Yes, Tucker. I want you to. Just start off easy, but do it." 

   I walk over to Monica and fling the whip at her barely brushing her back. 

   "You're going to have to do better than that, Tucker," says Nanette. 

   "Yeah, Tucker hit me harder. Keep it up until I tell you to stop," says Monica. 

   "You sure?" I ask. 

   "Yes, I want you to, please. I may never do this again," she says. 

   I give her another shot, then another and another and each time a little harder until she's screaming, and I stop. 

   "No, don't stop. Give me more, Tucker, and keep going. I want to scream don't you see," says Monica. 

   "Okay." 

   I give her a few more licks until red marks appear on her back. 

   "That's it. I'm done here. Anymore Monica and Nanette can do it." 

   "Okay, Tucker. You can stop for now, but I want you to come over here and take me."

   'Bout time, I'm thinking and taking her by the legs; I spread 'em, wrap 'em around me, and push myself into her bringing on a nice guttural moan. She lets go with another. I take her breast into my mouth and pull on her nipple and pick up with the upward thrusting until she's yelling. I look sideways at the hanging Pau and notice a large green dragonfly tattooed across her back. Strange. Nanette has her face buried between Pau's legs, and Pau is struggling her way into Nanette's pelt but having a difficult time of it. She's just a little too short for a proper fit against the tall Nanette. 

Just the sight of these two going at each other, and I'm screaming all that remains of me into Monica and catching Nanette and Pau's attention. Nanette breaks and goes to the wall cabinet again and begins fumbling around with something. Out of my peripheral vision, I see she's strapping something on. 

   She walks up behind me and wrapping an arm around my chest, hugging me tightly, I can feel something prodding and pushing at my backside. It's slippery and determined, and its short thrusts eventually burns its way inside. I scream at the invasion as memories of that first torturous colonoscopy at the tender age of 23 come flooding into my mind. My sphincter clamps down like the Jaws of Life and everything I've got launches into Monica leaving my gut cramping like a honeybee after that first, last and only sting yanks its insides out.

   Nanette backs off with the enema, but then a cat 'o nine tails tears across my back, and without any thought whatsoever, reflex launches a left hook to her jaw, knocking her across the room where she slams into the wall, and like a rag doll, slides down into a pile.

   "Holy shit!" 

   I run over to her, and she's out cold. I pat her cheek. "Nanette, Nanette." 

   Holy shit. I killed her! 

   She comes to; eyes a bit out of focus and wandering, but she shakes it off. 

   "Oh, my God Nanette, I am so sor ..." 

   She grabs me by the arms, startling the bejesus outta me and starts screaming, "Fuck me, Tucker, and fuck me! Hard, Tucker! Fuck me with fury! Do it! Now!" 

   I flip her onto her stomach, rip the fishnet stockings at the crotch then pull her onto all fours, kicking her legs apart with my knees, and right there, take her, hard and brutal; slamming her with all I've got, like punching meat, and she's begging for more. 

   I weave my fingers through those yummy brunette locks into a fist and yank her pretty head back, stretching her milk-white Swan's neck to the point of snapping. And all it does is add fuel to the, "Fuck me harder" mantra, fire. This woman knows no limits, but she's met her match tonight because I'm a man possessed, driven by an energy coursing through my veins like a raging bull. 

   Then, a new sound tears through my ringing ears. 

   It's the peanut gallery--the duo trussed like slaughterhouse meat hanging from the rafters. Monica and Pau picking up on Nanette's mantra, chanting, "Fuck her, Tucker, fuck her Tucker, fuck her harder, fuck her true, fuck her true blue." 

   It's now when all this riot of madness turns, and whatever remains of my rational mind bitch-slaps me into a momentary pause at reality. 

   What the hell am I doing? Those shots of liquor! Drugs? Viagra maybe? Whatever! 

   I'm a stallion, and I'm mounting a filly; ramming her with every hard pull of the reins. I'm a show at the Bagdad for those two, egging me on from the rafters, waiting their turn. If anyone saw what's going on here, I'd be locked up for life! 

   A Klaxon, screaming damage control, goes off in my head, and as fast as I yank myself out of Nanette, you'd have thought I'd decapitated my little head on her back teeth. 

   She flops to the floor like a puppet with its string's cut rolling onto her back and clutching her jaw says, "Shucker, shat wash faboowoosh. Yur a stah now." 

   "What're you talking about?" I say. 

   "Yur uh stah Shucker. You jush show yur shtuf to da ho whorl ova forey wife porno schites. Whaya shink bout dat Shucker?" 

   Holy shit!

   "I want a contract?"